FAREWELL MOM

My heart shattered on the day I received a phone call from mom,s doctor and it was the very one I dreaded most.

It was to inform me that mom have a relapse of the dreadful big C, and according to the doctor, only had about one year to live.

As I put down the phone, I broke down and cried so badly thinking over and over why it has to come back and haunt us after ten long years especially when mom is enjoying her twilight years at the ripe old age of 93 years old.

God is so cruel to take her away from us in such a painful way when she is so frail now.

I always envision mom will leave us peacefully in her sleep but not this way after what she,s been through ten years ago.

Not accepting reality, we request for another test hoping there,s a mistake but but sadly, that didn,t happen..

Mom started palliative care from home and the journey was not easy for mom and us but we were thankful for the support from nurses from Hospic and also our reliable Indonesian maid Wati.

Mom with Wati

Mom was admitted to hospital for urine infection two months after diagnosis in December and we spend Christmas in the hospital with mom.

Trying our best to cheer up mom

Miraculously, mom recovered from the infection very well.

We spend Chinese New Year at home with mom as we know this will be our last with mom.

Mom with us...

With good pain management, we took mom on day trips which she always enjoy.

Our outing with mom...

Mom is also an animal lover..

Nevertheless, as five months passed, mom got stronger and better, she became the lovable mom again which makes us hopes that she has overcome the disease again.

Life is back to almost normal and mom is like her normal self again picking fights with Wati which we finds both hilarious and frustrating and we also have our fair share of mother and daughters squabble after which we made up without ill-feeling. That,s how close our bonding is with mom.

Mom having a haircut at her favorite shop

Our last Mother,s Day with mom

Mom was doing well until fluid set in her lungs and she was admitted to the hospital again for two weeks.

We spend Hari Raya Aidilfitri in the hospital with mom.

After coming back from the hospital, mom fell down from the bed which left her arms and face badly bruised and this time the procedure which the doctor did to remove the fluid from her lungs has makes her weak and she didn,t have the energy to fight anymore.

During mom,s last doctor,s appointment, she wanted to visit her favorite dim sum restaurant.

Mom,s last dim sum outing 

Although she could not eat much, she seems to enjoy the environment around her.

I was choking up with emotions and cannot forget the sad look in her eyes as she gaze forlornly around her.

Mom,s conditions started to deteriorate three weeks after been discharged from the hospital. I saw her slowly withering away I somehow knew that the end is near. She has been battling the disease for nine months, but for me, everyday is a gift to spend more time with her.

Mom was barely awake most of the time which I think is good so she don,t have to suffer so much.

During the time when mom wasn't sleeping, she is not herself anymore.

She has no emotion and it was like her soul was already gone.

My heart ache so much for her that I actually wish for the most unfilial wish, that God would take her away. My head wants it but my heart says no.

On the evening of 20th July 2017, mom left us.

The suffering and misery has ended.

It was the most painful and saddest day of my lives. I have never felt so much pain in my entire live.

My heart breaks into millions pieces.

Mom, we have not said our goodbyes. 

Why can,t we have one more day with you if not more?

Mom, I thought I was ready to let you go but I was so wrong.

Each time when I think of you laying on the bed motionless makes me breaks down.

Mom, I miss you.....

You took a piece of me with you when you left. 

I felt there,s a hole in my heart and part of my soul left with you.

Mom, till we meet again.......

Our favorite morning spot... until the last day of her lives.....
I was holding her hands sitting under this old tree..